Reflecting on My 23rd Year

Grab your favorite bottle of wine or junkiest food when you do this to cope with the rollercoaster of emotions you're about to go down.

I am not one to get sad about what occurred prior to my birthday as every year has a similar reflection. However, this one just has a bit of nostalgia as I now know what it feels like to get older. Its lonely and being celebrated from a distance can only bring someone so much joy. Unless you plan something for all your friends to go to, you'll just end up at home alone, eating your own cake with a fork.

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So let's reflect. I started off my 23rd with a long-term boyfriend. Every year I would stay up until midnight just so we could ring in my new year together. Then I worked my final basketball game (plot twist: I'm back) and was taken out to a nice dinner. I was celebrated by friends and a phone call from my parents. As simple as that day was, it was the consistency that I miss having in my life currently. I am no longer in that relationship, some people I used to call my friends have either moved away or stopped being my friend all together, and I do not have a set idea to what I am doing career wise. Where there is some positive change in my life now, I just miss how it used to be so predictable. Even the expectations to what my friends would post about me has changed, as if that is a way to weigh friendships these days.

I feel a sense of sadness when it comes to my special day. I celebrate people so hard to only turn around and get disappointed when its my turn. I have decided just to enter in my next birthday with no expectations and thinking the absolute worst case scenario to make sure I'm not completely discouraged by the results. I can't play the comparison game or it'll leave me in a puddle. Asking people to go out just to celebrate me seems like a unwanted burden to put on people so I have just given up on planning something. Why make people go out of their way to have a forced dinner or drink with the birthday girl when I can just drink at home and read all the birthday wishes my mom's friends have left me on my wall on my Facebook.

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All this to say, I do truly love the people that reach out via Facebook post, text, phone call, etc. It shows me who are truly there when I need them. Even if it is just enough to count on one hand. I've learned it is the quality over quantity. I appreciate those who have stuck around each year and have added years to how long they have known me.

Let's hit the highlights from this year though. I graduated with my Masters, I traveled to new cities, and saw some of my favorite people get married. Aside from the big moments, I also had small victories. I found out how much I enjoyed working in athletics again and got to watch many free baseball games. I rediscovered who I am as an independent young twenty-something. Additionally, I got to meet all my godchildren (the four legged kind)- and yes I have more than one whether their owners know it or not. Lastly, I went through some changes that have proven to have grown me more to the person I am hoping to become in the future years. I moved out of my first apartment and threw my first adult dinner party successfully.

This year, I am hoping for peace amongst all the transitions that my twenty-fourth year is going to bring. I will be revitalizing what truly brings me joy and cling hard on that.

Goodbye to 23, happy 24th to me.