Is it So Bad That I Can't Relate to Break Up Songs?

Ending a relationship is hard. That initial conversation that finalizes time spent together with the one person you thought was going to be the last person you ever dated is easily one of the worst experiences to go through. The memories that are attached to that certain someone continues to haunt you even years past the ending of the relationship. For however long that relationship was, four years or four months, there were emotions deeply rooted into that person. Life will seemingly change after you close the door to that person.

So when my college boyfriend and I ended our relationship, I did what any 20-year-old-something does best, I turned on that certain playlist with the relatable lyrics. I tried the whole "screaming Olivia Rodrigo music in my car" to get through the breakup, but if I'm being honest, it did not produce the correct emotions that Miss Rodrigo wants her listeners to feel. I turned to sadder songs, still no tears. So what does that mean exactly? Am I content with the breakup? What if in my heart that I was okay to let this person go after all the years we spent together? Of course he still comes to mind every once and awhile, and I do miss being able to tell him about my day. There is so much time that clings onto him and things we did together that are hard to look back on. It is upsetting that the person I thought I was going to marry and live the life I dreamed up with him is no longer sitting next to me in every life event that I have.

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If I am being honest, I am glad that I was able to pick myself up from the new change and continue on. I do love him and always will, but there is a part of me that is happier now. I am able to focus on other things that I can devote my time in and use my energy towards. Those relationships that I had placed on the back burner are becoming deeper connections. The time spent alone has not been lonely, but more of a time to reflect on who I am now and who I am becoming. There has been a lot of growth in finding who I am without someone holding my hand throughout life. A lot of changes to who I was but a lot of exciting new discoveries to the things I desire in life and the things that no longer serve me.

To the one who helped me grow into the person I am today, thank you.